Wednesday, February 18, 2015

10 days to go...

So baby Atticus you are lucky. You are being born into a world where your mommy and daddy love you and have had the good luck to be surrounded by amazing people who because they love us, love you too. I am overwhelmed with how much people in our lives have done to help us prepare for you. I know that in this world there is never such a thing as too much love so I am grateful for each drop!

Your Grandma Fey is coming into town in a few days to welcome you and take care of Ocoee while we focus on you for a few days. Ocoee is so ready to have her baby brother. She really wants to cuddle you and stroke your hair, and maybe pat your her words. You could not have a better older sister waiting for you.

As for me, I am physically ready to get the show on the road. Carrying a baby is hard work, but I am a little worried that I have forgotten all the infant "know how" that I learned with Ocoee. I am trusting that it will all come back to me, but just in case take it easy on us if we get it wrong at first. We love you and are trying.

The home front is in pretty good shape. We just got new windows and though there is still a list of small projects that are driving your dad crazy, we will be fine.

Overall I hope that I can raise you to understand that you are blessed and privileged in a way many children in the world are not. This is not something you should take for granted. Though my life goal is for you to not experience pain, hurt or loss it will happen, and I hope the joy far outweighs these rough moments. I love you and can't wait to meet you.

Love always,

Monday, February 2, 2015

27 days left

Our world will change again in 27 days. Will it be as shocking as the change when Ocoee entered our lives? The interesting thing is that Ocoee's life will forever change and Atticus will never know a world where she wasn't a part of it. I guess I should change my blog to Alaskan Bambinos. 

Last night was a great example of how being a mom has changed me. I went to a super bowl party where my lovely friends gave Ocoee puzzles and stickers, I sat up stairs during the 2nd quarter reading her a book, there was no drinking for me (pregnancy not being a mom makes this my reality), and I drove home exhausted by 7pm. More interesting to me than the game or commercials was if she had fun and getting her in bed in time to be well rested and happy the next day.

At 3am when I awoke and could not get back to sleep I decided to go in her room in check on her. At first my heart was racing because she wasn't there.....then I realized that she was on the other end of the bed splayed out sleeping....

Or was she sleeping?? Doubt clogged my mind and I rubbed her arm, she felt cold and didn't stir. I had a full 20 seconds of panic when I reached down and shook her....hard. She grumbled and rolled over going back to sleep. Ok, crazy me I thought. It took me awhile to settled down and sleep did not come again even though she was resting quietly. This is the part of parenthood no one tells you about. Fear, anxiety, worry and guilt. They do not hamper the joy but they can make you feel crazy.

Little Atticus, I can't wait to meet you and I am prepared for this burden of motherhood that makes us crazy but also serves to keep you safe.