Monday, February 2, 2015

27 days left

Our world will change again in 27 days. Will it be as shocking as the change when Ocoee entered our lives? The interesting thing is that Ocoee's life will forever change and Atticus will never know a world where she wasn't a part of it. I guess I should change my blog to Alaskan Bambinos. 

Last night was a great example of how being a mom has changed me. I went to a super bowl party where my lovely friends gave Ocoee puzzles and stickers, I sat up stairs during the 2nd quarter reading her a book, there was no drinking for me (pregnancy not being a mom makes this my reality), and I drove home exhausted by 7pm. More interesting to me than the game or commercials was if she had fun and getting her in bed in time to be well rested and happy the next day.

At 3am when I awoke and could not get back to sleep I decided to go in her room in check on her. At first my heart was racing because she wasn't there.....then I realized that she was on the other end of the bed splayed out sleeping....

Or was she sleeping?? Doubt clogged my mind and I rubbed her arm, she felt cold and didn't stir. I had a full 20 seconds of panic when I reached down and shook her....hard. She grumbled and rolled over going back to sleep. Ok, crazy me I thought. It took me awhile to settled down and sleep did not come again even though she was resting quietly. This is the part of parenthood no one tells you about. Fear, anxiety, worry and guilt. They do not hamper the joy but they can make you feel crazy.

Little Atticus, I can't wait to meet you and I am prepared for this burden of motherhood that makes us crazy but also serves to keep you safe.


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