Summer 2014

Summer was so great and busy that I didn't even blog! I was a total slacker. The highlights were time in Nebraska with grandma and grandpa, family in from Arizona to visit and lots of cousin and Uncle DD time in Tennessee. It was truly magical to see Ocoee forming relationships with her family members so far away. She is old enough now to really engage with everyone. She even got to meet some of my former Journalism students. We were busy the whole summer and had so many wonderful moments that I am bummed I didn't take the time to catch them in writing. Ocoee grew more adventurous and talkative this summer and now seems a bit more like my personality than hubby's......but she can still be reserved and a watcher.

Cheers
J


A few picts......

TAGS!!

I wanted to document an interesting habit Ocoee has had for several years now. She loves tags. I mean adores them. She checks out all clothes based on how nice the tag is. Scratchy or soft.....she especially likes ones that have her name on them. She holds these tags in one hand as a comfort item. She has a special tag blankie that is an old swaddle blanket that she drags around the house like Linus from Peanuts and she also sleeps with a tag.....could be blankie or could be a favorite fleece or shirt.

I found her in the entry way holding tightly to a tag on her fleece that was hooked on the coat rag....literally purring. Who knew something so silly would be so soothing to her.

We are very loving and affectionate so I am not sure why she needs this extra security, but it works for her so we just roll with it. It has become the norm and makes even her laugh. I remember when she started because a boy at daycare had the same habit. They were great buds and she really picked it up from him. She is also a thumb sucker so this fits that mold as well.

I am sure years from now she will have no memory of this little habit but for now it is very important to her!

Cheers
J

Labor Day weekend! Closing up homer cabin

We spent the weekend basking in Alaska's glory as we prepared to shut up the Homer cabin for the winter. The sun shined, eagles flew, fish were caught and summer went out in style. 

Ocoee caught her first fish deep sea fishing. We were telling her the story of my first Alaskan deep sea fish where I caught a cod that was being eaten by a ling cod. It was awesome. Two in one cast. Two minute later Ocoee reeled in her double sculpin! She was most excited by the rainbow fishing line. 

It was a purely spectacular weekend with great sunsets and sunshine every day. The cabin accommodated 3 extra adults and one more dog easily. We finished with yummy pizza at Finns. 

Cheers

J

Homer weekend-June 2014

We were finally able to make time to visit the Homer cabin. I have dubbed it the H3C, Homer Hesketh Hill Cabin. As we approached in the water taxi there she stood on the top of the hill with eagles soaring by her, so lovely against the sky.

Ocoee and Hubby stand down by the cliffs with the cabin in the background.

We dropped no essential gear on the beach and headed up the hill for the strenuous but short hike that was our trail from last summer. Seeing no clear trail or road we went up the steepest but shortest way. Many curse words and tears were spilt on that first bushwhacking hike and I am sure the road to hell is paved not in good intentions but instead in Devils Club.

This time though the path was in much better shape due to the boys coming a few weeks before to do some chainsaw work on the main trail on the back side of the hill. We were happily almost there when we saw another tree had fallen in the last few weeks. UGH! We spent the 10 minutes climbing through a spider web of limbs and branches just steps from the cabin.

Once we made it though I was happy to see the boys left the place in good order. Mike figured out how to deal with the tree that had fallen on the roof and miraculously missed the chimney. He had it off with brain and brawn....very manly moment. Patched the roof and then spent time working on the back trail. The 5 year goal is to make the trail an ATV road so we could move more gear and people can access the cabin easier. But to be honest I am happy with the meandering trail that is there now. It needs more work for sure but I most anyone in ok shape can make it up in 30 minutes with very little strain. Supplies have to be backpacked in but that is why it is such paradise.....it is remote. At the end of the Kenai peninsula, down the Homer spit, across Kachemak bay and then up the HILL. Don't have to worry about locking the door!

My projects for the cabin included, two indoor outdoor rugs for the living room and lower bedroom. Curtains for the lower two windows, a little sink curtain to hide the storage area, some blackout curtains to divide the bedroom from kitchen and some fresh organic sheets for the loft beds. We worked, read, ate, drank wine and played on the beach. Mike went to bed every night really tired from his more arduous work. Eagles swooped by often and the wood fire stove kept us all cozy.

One day we had amazing weather and spent the day kayaking, beach combing (Ocoee found dozens of jellyfish) and sipping beers on the beach. I even took a nap in the sun laying against a piece of driftwood. Hubby fished and caught a few pinks and small cod...nothing we ate but fun all the same.

It was good to get away.

Here are some pictures of the weekend.

Loss

Dear Bambino

It is an unfortunate twist of life that in order to be a part of this big, crazy, messy, beautiful world you must also experience loss. Lately we have had a lot of loss in our lives. From coworkers losing jobs, to losing pets both feather and furred, to the worst of all losing people we are close with.

You are now too little and young to understand loss. We explain the best we can, very truthfully and direct, and add some spiritual guidance such as, "Brodie will always be your doggy in your heart" and "his memories live on". These words are ok by you and you deal ok. We are breaking inside every time we have to bring loss into your lovely little world.

You too will experience loss. You will lose friendships, jobs, romances and people who you hold close to your heart.

Sometimes you may even lose yourself. I have been there and it is a raw feeling. I know you will have the courage to find yourself again and be the person you were meant to be.
 
These losses great and small will hurt your heart. I will be there to offer you words, maybe a little different that when you were two, but trying to comfort you all the same. Moving forward and  letting go of grief, loss, guilt.....these are hard goals work towards every moment after you have to let someone or something precious go.

Little things can also restore you sense of joy and hope. Things such as the dragon fly that landed on my hand today, you making me laugh and kind words from a friend. Healing beauties of our world.

Lovely bambino, with curly hair and so much to say and share. Look around and find the beauty in the world. Know that in times of loss you must take a breath and know that wonderful moments await you and that this too shall pass. Know always that you are loved.

Mothers Day 2014

Ocoee Dael Fey

Thank you for giving me the best job of my life. The last few days you have been especially cuddly and sweet. This morning you climbed into the hibernation bed and snuggled me, and this show of physical love really made me happy. Mothers day was a wonderful day to celebrate but the day in and day out love, battles, triumphs, falls and pick me ups are what I really love about being your mom. You will always be my baby.

Your favorite thing to do these days is "talk" to the chickens. You pet them, chase them, check their food, give them water and yes....talk their little chicken ears off.

You are also an excellent puzzle master. You can do a 30-45 piece puzzle all by yourself with no help from us the first time. I have no idea where this stacks up to other kids but I am impressed and you really are engaged and enjoying the puzzle time.

Your sweetness has been amplified as well as your cries....you never, ever threw tantrums before but you will do so now. They are usually indicators that you are overwhelmed and tired. But on the days when you are rested and happy......you are a joy to be with. The tantrum days just mean you need a nap. These are pretty rare.

You are digging picking out your own clothes and getting dressed. That is one of your new " responsibility" magnets.

I love you baby girl,

Your mama

9 years ago

This is a little belated but track season is finally over and I have some time to reflect.

Nine years ago on Derby Day hubby and I wed. I rushed in after working a shift at the diner a few blocks away that was my main income while going back for another degree to teach. I still smelled of burgers and fries as I quickly changed clothes. We hustled out the door to get downtown to the court house. Our good friends, Katie and Dan, met us there and we all spent about 10 minutes walking around the giant building looking for an open door. It was windy and hot.

Inside we filled out a little paperwork and then stood in front of the judge while Dan snapped a few pictures. It was dark and I remember thinking I should be really serious but it was hard to be in a serious mood. We had lived together for 2 years, owned our own home and knew we would marry after the first few weeks together. Life had us in a rush at the JOP but what really mattered was I got to marry my best friend.

After we headed to the Old Market with Katie and Dan and ate at M's pub. It was a fancy meal and quite the treat for all of us back then when we had more opinions than money.

We had been planning a destination wedding but I felt overwhelmed with family matters and then I got cervical cancer. All of a sudden a ceremony didn't matter as much as legal protections and insurance. We didn't even tell anyone because we still thought we would do a "real" wedding.

After a few months I decided, our love was real and so was our marriage, lets just tell everyone. Skipping the ceremony and just save for a fabulous trip to Hawaii. I remember having beers outside at Upstream in the Old Market in Omaha when this epiphany hit me.

My hubby is no fool and jumped at my choice. We sent out letters informing our friends and family and went to Kauai for 2 weeks. It was a truly magical vacation.

But we were really too young, too silly about commitment and knew nothing of the hard work marriage is. Thankful 9 years later we learned a lot and still love each other. We grew up together and our love grew from, " I love you" to " I love you, like you and sometimes want to strangle you but I will always be here and want to spend my life with you".  There were rough patches but the maturity of our love is really one of my greatest prides. I now make my marriage the biggest priority in my life. Our daughter has made us into a family and our love has grown with our family. We aren't young and silly about what commitment means, we know times will be rough but we will get through.

Thank you hubby for loving me and anchoring me in this life.

Daughter I hope you find a man as wonderful as your daddy. I hope we can teach you what a marriage takes to work and how to love with your whole heart and head. How to grow and be willing to change together. Happiness isn't cheap, it takes hard work and forgiveness. Here's to 9 more years of happily ever after.

Cheers
J

Eyes closed, hearts open :)