Homer weekend-June 2014

We were finally able to make time to visit the Homer cabin. I have dubbed it the H3C, Homer Hesketh Hill Cabin. As we approached in the water taxi there she stood on the top of the hill with eagles soaring by her, so lovely against the sky.

Ocoee and Hubby stand down by the cliffs with the cabin in the background.

We dropped no essential gear on the beach and headed up the hill for the strenuous but short hike that was our trail from last summer. Seeing no clear trail or road we went up the steepest but shortest way. Many curse words and tears were spilt on that first bushwhacking hike and I am sure the road to hell is paved not in good intentions but instead in Devils Club.

This time though the path was in much better shape due to the boys coming a few weeks before to do some chainsaw work on the main trail on the back side of the hill. We were happily almost there when we saw another tree had fallen in the last few weeks. UGH! We spent the 10 minutes climbing through a spider web of limbs and branches just steps from the cabin.

Once we made it though I was happy to see the boys left the place in good order. Mike figured out how to deal with the tree that had fallen on the roof and miraculously missed the chimney. He had it off with brain and brawn....very manly moment. Patched the roof and then spent time working on the back trail. The 5 year goal is to make the trail an ATV road so we could move more gear and people can access the cabin easier. But to be honest I am happy with the meandering trail that is there now. It needs more work for sure but I most anyone in ok shape can make it up in 30 minutes with very little strain. Supplies have to be backpacked in but that is why it is such paradise.....it is remote. At the end of the Kenai peninsula, down the Homer spit, across Kachemak bay and then up the HILL. Don't have to worry about locking the door!

My projects for the cabin included, two indoor outdoor rugs for the living room and lower bedroom. Curtains for the lower two windows, a little sink curtain to hide the storage area, some blackout curtains to divide the bedroom from kitchen and some fresh organic sheets for the loft beds. We worked, read, ate, drank wine and played on the beach. Mike went to bed every night really tired from his more arduous work. Eagles swooped by often and the wood fire stove kept us all cozy.

One day we had amazing weather and spent the day kayaking, beach combing (Ocoee found dozens of jellyfish) and sipping beers on the beach. I even took a nap in the sun laying against a piece of driftwood. Hubby fished and caught a few pinks and small cod...nothing we ate but fun all the same.

It was good to get away.

Here are some pictures of the weekend.

Loss

Dear Bambino

It is an unfortunate twist of life that in order to be a part of this big, crazy, messy, beautiful world you must also experience loss. Lately we have had a lot of loss in our lives. From coworkers losing jobs, to losing pets both feather and furred, to the worst of all losing people we are close with.

You are now too little and young to understand loss. We explain the best we can, very truthfully and direct, and add some spiritual guidance such as, "Brodie will always be your doggy in your heart" and "his memories live on". These words are ok by you and you deal ok. We are breaking inside every time we have to bring loss into your lovely little world.

You too will experience loss. You will lose friendships, jobs, romances and people who you hold close to your heart.

Sometimes you may even lose yourself. I have been there and it is a raw feeling. I know you will have the courage to find yourself again and be the person you were meant to be.
 
These losses great and small will hurt your heart. I will be there to offer you words, maybe a little different that when you were two, but trying to comfort you all the same. Moving forward and  letting go of grief, loss, guilt.....these are hard goals work towards every moment after you have to let someone or something precious go.

Little things can also restore you sense of joy and hope. Things such as the dragon fly that landed on my hand today, you making me laugh and kind words from a friend. Healing beauties of our world.

Lovely bambino, with curly hair and so much to say and share. Look around and find the beauty in the world. Know that in times of loss you must take a breath and know that wonderful moments await you and that this too shall pass. Know always that you are loved.

Mothers Day 2014

Ocoee Dael Fey

Thank you for giving me the best job of my life. The last few days you have been especially cuddly and sweet. This morning you climbed into the hibernation bed and snuggled me, and this show of physical love really made me happy. Mothers day was a wonderful day to celebrate but the day in and day out love, battles, triumphs, falls and pick me ups are what I really love about being your mom. You will always be my baby.

Your favorite thing to do these days is "talk" to the chickens. You pet them, chase them, check their food, give them water and yes....talk their little chicken ears off.

You are also an excellent puzzle master. You can do a 30-45 piece puzzle all by yourself with no help from us the first time. I have no idea where this stacks up to other kids but I am impressed and you really are engaged and enjoying the puzzle time.

Your sweetness has been amplified as well as your cries....you never, ever threw tantrums before but you will do so now. They are usually indicators that you are overwhelmed and tired. But on the days when you are rested and happy......you are a joy to be with. The tantrum days just mean you need a nap. These are pretty rare.

You are digging picking out your own clothes and getting dressed. That is one of your new " responsibility" magnets.

I love you baby girl,

Your mama

9 years ago

This is a little belated but track season is finally over and I have some time to reflect.

Nine years ago on Derby Day hubby and I wed. I rushed in after working a shift at the diner a few blocks away that was my main income while going back for another degree to teach. I still smelled of burgers and fries as I quickly changed clothes. We hustled out the door to get downtown to the court house. Our good friends, Katie and Dan, met us there and we all spent about 10 minutes walking around the giant building looking for an open door. It was windy and hot.

Inside we filled out a little paperwork and then stood in front of the judge while Dan snapped a few pictures. It was dark and I remember thinking I should be really serious but it was hard to be in a serious mood. We had lived together for 2 years, owned our own home and knew we would marry after the first few weeks together. Life had us in a rush at the JOP but what really mattered was I got to marry my best friend.

After we headed to the Old Market with Katie and Dan and ate at M's pub. It was a fancy meal and quite the treat for all of us back then when we had more opinions than money.

We had been planning a destination wedding but I felt overwhelmed with family matters and then I got cervical cancer. All of a sudden a ceremony didn't matter as much as legal protections and insurance. We didn't even tell anyone because we still thought we would do a "real" wedding.

After a few months I decided, our love was real and so was our marriage, lets just tell everyone. Skipping the ceremony and just save for a fabulous trip to Hawaii. I remember having beers outside at Upstream in the Old Market in Omaha when this epiphany hit me.

My hubby is no fool and jumped at my choice. We sent out letters informing our friends and family and went to Kauai for 2 weeks. It was a truly magical vacation.

But we were really too young, too silly about commitment and knew nothing of the hard work marriage is. Thankful 9 years later we learned a lot and still love each other. We grew up together and our love grew from, " I love you" to " I love you, like you and sometimes want to strangle you but I will always be here and want to spend my life with you".  There were rough patches but the maturity of our love is really one of my greatest prides. I now make my marriage the biggest priority in my life. Our daughter has made us into a family and our love has grown with our family. We aren't young and silly about what commitment means, we know times will be rough but we will get through.

Thank you hubby for loving me and anchoring me in this life.

Daughter I hope you find a man as wonderful as your daddy. I hope we can teach you what a marriage takes to work and how to love with your whole heart and head. How to grow and be willing to change together. Happiness isn't cheap, it takes hard work and forgiveness. Here's to 9 more years of happily ever after.

Cheers
J

Eyes closed, hearts open :)

Easter!

Ocoee was really in to Easter this year. We got her a special "Pete the Cat" book that talked about how Easter is about doing things for others. She wanted to do things for her friends at school so we made little treat bags with a rubber ducky, Easter tatoos and organic fruit snacks. She had quite the rubber ducky collection and was happy to get an Easter ducky. It was also her teacher's birthday on Good Friday so she made her a card and picked out a nice Easter Lilly to give her. She loves school and I have to admit her love for her teachers can even make me a bit jealous at times, but I realize the more adults who love and care for her the better.

We made cascarones (eggs shells emptied and wrapped in tissue paper) with our friends, stuffing them with glitter and bird seed. My hubby has officially banned glitter since we are still finding it all over days later. I figure that is a good idea. All of the adults and older kids loved these cascarones that you break and smash over other peoples' heads but Ocoee had a melt down and really hated the glitter and smashing...she loved it last year so I am confident she will come around. She is sensitive and often cries over spilled milk...literally.

The Easter bunny was very generous this year. I told Ocoee that Grandma must have put in a good word for her (thanks grandma) because her basket was overflowing and she also got an amazing dollhouse that will fit her Pakistan doll furniture she received a few months ago from her great-grandma/grandpa Klaasmeyer.

(Will post about that later).

Her favorite items from her Easter basket were her rubber ducky lollipop, her new bunny in a box and her wooden eggs spelling her name. She adores her new puzzles and I love that she can put them together on her own and it completely mesmerized by them....who needs tv!

Here Ocoee helps her friends stuff eco-eggs. Like the plastic versions only made of biodegradable plant material. You can buy them from the natural candy store.

Adding yummy organic chocolate and gummies to the eggs.

She loved her Tucker and Tate bunny sweater so much! I watched her on the monitor get up in the night and get it from the hamper to sleep with.

Easter basket included a new hat for the hot summer in the lower 48, handmade eggs and chickens from Etsy, Djeco puzzles, lego zoo, haba elephant and other goodies.

The big surprise was a Land of Nod doll house/book case. We need a big version so we could put her extra large Pakistan doll furniture in it. When she outgrows it as a doll house we can use it for books and toys.

She can spell her first and last name! Love these eggs.

We set up a photo backdrop for some cute Easter shots. Cute fabric but poorly executed on my part since you can see the seam....oh well she is adorable any way!

Ocoee's Easter dress was a hand me up from a friend and she walked around swirling the skirt in a girly moment.

My lovelies

Ocoee sporting her bunny ears order for her first Easter a few years ago from Pottery Barn. They make a great photo prop.

Gathering for the egg hunt in the park. At 50 degrees we were so hot! Plus the snow was mostly melted. Early spring here in Alaska!

Ocoee again was the master egg hunter. We walked to the park the next day and found a half a dozen eggs we all somehow missed the day before.

This was how she felt after the cascarones were broken. It was too much for her little toddler heart to handle. 

The best thing about Easter brunch is how easy and casual it is. We had bagels, croissants, lox, breakfast potatoes, fruit and chips with dip. We ate, hung out, took photos and then hunted eggs. By 5 the house was cleaned up (except the glitter) and we were on the deck enjoying the sunshine. Ocoee spent time telling the chickens all about her day and mommy felt relaxed after a successful holiday in the books. Grandma really made this one special and we only wish we could have been with family as well as friends.

Ocoee update: 2 years, 6 months, 4 days

I walked in the door yesterday around 5:45. I had coached track after school, went to the gym to lift weights, snagged some easter basket goodies at our favorite toy store, and bought some groceries. Hubby was getting Ocoee and starting dinner. After a week of testing at school my mind was already on the pasta dinner and big glass of vino waiting for me.

Then I opened the door. Hubby was in the kitchen cooking and Ocoee was on the floor, lying between his legs, crying her head off. I scooped her up and asked what was wrong. In between gulps and cries she sad she was sad because daddy wouldn't read her a book.

Oh sweet baby. First world problems for sure.

Later hubby explained he read her several books then let her know he needed to begin dinner. Then she melt down. She was a tired baby who wasn't getting much sleep at night. I always say she is an angel......if she is well fed and rested!

Her favorite things are reading books, putting together puzzles (she is so good at them!) and playing with her babies. Most of her play is imagination play. She is super helpful around the house and does all of her responsibilities on her chart.

About a week ago for the first time ever she told me for the first time, unprovoked, "mommy I love you". What wonderful words to hear. She also tells me, "you are so nice".

Man I love that little girl!

Cheers
J